rest assured in Your great love

Friday, June 30, 2006

back to MGS to relief!

today is the end of my first week in MGS as a relief teacher for biology..

special thanks to sabrina, laoshi, natalie tan, lynette n some of my ex-teachers for making my days so much more interesting n enjoyable.. despite how often you tease me n make fun of me... i know you never mean any harm.

i was made to sit as jonathan tay's desk.. right beside elizabeth lee. if i were given a choice, that would be the last place i would ever wanna be at.

elizabeth lee has come across as a selfish person, who only bothers to look out for herself.. n a lazy one who wouldnt mind making people take the trouble to correct something tt is under her own responsibility. also, she is quick to justify her faults n even quicker to try n put the blame on someone else. sigh... jsut glad it's the end of my ordeal working with her. also, jonathan tay is rather careless to have missed out one part of a question for all but 2 girls from a particular class. from the little tt i hear abt him... my impression is tt he is a laid back person who doesnt really give his all in teaching his students.

ok ok, i am sure tt certain impressions are wrong... i just hope they are or MGS sure wouldnt have a good reputation if their teachers were like that.

day 1:
was so busy i didnt even have time to eat my lunch till 230!!! waited for xiao jiamin to come cos she wanted to observe the netball training.. hopefully You give her the answer n let her make her next move with confidence!
left school at 630 n was dead tired.

day2:
this time, i had an earlier lunch n actually was less busy than before!

day3:
watched the first part of farenheit 9/11 n spent a lot of time slacking n just talking to sabrina, lynette n nat. cool time!
couldnt sleep just thinking abt whether i should try to talk to kpchen abt the awkwardness.. told ms ho abt it.. but prayed n decided not to make hasty decisions.

day4:
i prayfully sought ur answer n i guess You really showed me what to do. it was almost impossible to find a suitable time to talk to kpchen so i suppose tt is all part of Your plan.
since i finished the 2nd disc of farenheit 9/11... i returned it to thory who barely had 10 minutes to spare!
to think she offered almost all but maybe 15? of my jellybeans as prizes for her students! i thot it was just meant to be a few. oh wells... a new side of her i've come to see. guess she wouldnt make such a good friend of mine.. dont even think she bothers making the effort. but oh well, she has been an encouragement with regards to her waiting 11 years for the right guy. well done! not all is lost.

day5:
busy day also.. had less than half an hour to gobble my lunch... n dear lynette got me a bar of chocolate =) hee. i should treat her next! =) haha.
mom n dad are leaving today for shanghai.. sending them to the airport at 10pm n gotta go to bun's place for ministry prayer aftwards. i really hope tt my brother wouldnt be home for the next 5 days Lord... i need to car.. i want the car... i hope i wont have to argue w him for it. rushing here n there... let Your will be done Lord.

tmr i gotta send dorothy for french lessons n pick sabrina up for lunch before going to pick dorothy n diane to school for the syf opening ceremony by 2pm. go for e-min meeting n later pick dorothy again at 9pm from school.

sunday would be spent in church n later we should buy lunch for our granny. really.. we must.
i pray Lord tt You would strengthen n heal my granny n help her feel loved.. by You, by me n my family n her children n relatives. i love her Lord, but sometimes i just dont know how we can possibly communicate with each other properly. her speach is left slurred, a few years ago since her stroke... i cant understand what she is saying n my hokkien vocabulary is limited. please just let her know tt i love her n care abt her Lord.

most importantly, i pray tt You would assure my granny of Your great love for her. it doesnt depend on her physical state Lord, just her heart. heal her heart n show Yourself strong Father.



alrighty, i pray tt the coming days would be spent productively n tt i would learn more abt You n Your great love. i wanna live for You alone Lord. these are not just empty words, but i want to be a living testimony for You Lord!!!! let Your light shine thru me to touch the lives of Your people. even to people who are selfish n difficult to live with. You know who are these people tt exist in my life Lord.

i dreamt tt the fitting went perfectly well. monday is the day i've to go for the fitting. 1030am to be exact. n go back again 5 hours later at 330pm to check if my eyes are suitable for the ortho-k lenses. Father, i know tt You are in-charge of my life... even the nitty gritty, tiny weany details... hence Lord, let me be suitable only if these lenses are the best option for my myopia n astigmatism... n only if they are worth the costs.
many things can happen.. if i were made to pay in full right now.. this place might just close down one day n i would be cheated of my money!!!
i'm content to just wear rgp if tt's what's best for me... n maybe lasik surgery one fine day... aft seeking Your guidance of course! =)

let me never forget to keep asking for Your wisdom n guidance in every decision i make Lord. it may seem impossible for me to ask you how i should go abt every single thing, but help me try. recognizing tt Your plan is the best n seeking Your guidance is the best thing i could ever do.

thank you Lord for everything. AMEN!!!

i pray for a great month ahead with 2 more weeks of relief n 1 week at kk. n 2 n a half weeks left of the hols thereafter.

continued reflections..

hmms, i was halfway thru my account of my holiday in the states... grand canyon to be exact. wells, i'm really awed by You n Your faithfulness Lord. in the times when i was so so down.. when i felt like nothing could ever get better... when i was super sad n hurt...

i asked for a sign. a sign that would reafirm my beliefs... that You, my Lord n my God, is still in full control of all the nitty gritty details of my life. that You were still present to comfort me, strengthen me n uplift me.

n You, O Lord... you sent a hailstorm to meet me at the grand canyon!
in the state of ARIZONA, mind you!!
where even a drop of rain is considered rare...
You sent heavy rain n hail!!!
how great is Your name O Lord.

my siblings n i started playing w the snow, throwing snowballs n even had a great yummy lunch of brocolli, rice n orange chicken (to think tt i dont even like chicken!).. a spectacular show of the grand canyon n you cleared the clouds n rain within an hour.. sending the sun shining down yet again.
for this one day in summer, one can actually view the grand canyon at low temperatures n enjoy it's view.
Yes Lord, i am gonna trust in You all the days of my life. For You alone are God... n You are indeed faithful.


the next place apart from las vegas n LA was SAN FRANCISCO!
love the weather there... cool n nice... freezing in the early morn.

fishermans' wharf... the cruise... napa valley... castro aka gay land/street.. twin peaks.. nice, comfy hotel.. 7 mile? drive.. then back to LA/anaheim.

the 2 days spent at disneyland (yuck.. was too kiddy with few fun, thrilling rides..) n the terrific universal studios! cool man.. that place! hollywood was ok only.

off we were to the airport to wait for hours just to get onboard our china airline flight to taipei.

first day i was off to meet sharon who took me to see echo in NTU ( national taiwan university) and even sat thru one of her biology classes in CHINESE! she's studying mathematics n hopes to become a professor in the states. later met michelle who's changed her name to vila. she's doing fashion design n had dinner w sharon n her.

later sharon n i walked to miramar to take the ferris wheel ride... a long long day it was.

good thing i slept almost all 13 hours on the plane!! yay! no jetlag for me! hee =)

next year we went on a tour around taipei... ok only. nothing spectacular... n later was pondering if i should go to vila's friend's farewell party. went in the end btu i have a feeling she asked me only cos she was hoping to meet my brother. oh well, such friends/people do exist
her friend came to her place to pick us up.. otherwise she wouldnt have even left the house. sigh.. the party was the least bit fun. left in under an hour n i got to drive her friend's car back to my lousy hotel. think i wouldnt really keep in contact w vila. her whole family is just as weird... not the least bit hospitable. just tt they're RICH. such there they can even afford an elevator in their house!!!

the next day i met sharon again n we went to taipei 101... tallest building in the world at this point of time. then tried the macs ice cream there... not as yummy as singapore's! so i feel tt singapore is still the best place on earth.

aft tt we went shopping n more shopping.. tried the mango ice which was super yummy but costs like 5 sing dollars!!! n some other taiwan snacks n bubble milk tea! too big a cup to finish without puking it all out.

the next day... back to singapore. FINALLY. made it thru the whole trip! still in on piece but with a daddy who was really unhappy w our behaviour n attitude... n me w a whole new perspective on my brother's n sister's real character.


overall... i just am so grateful to You Lord.. for taking care of me n loving me even when i feel so out of place.. lonely n unloved. n back to church n time spent w my church friends... it really brings a smile back to my face.

i know i didnt keep close to You by reading Your word or even praying enough during that whole 2 weeks... but i'm just happy i'm back on track! thank You Lord for Your forgiveness n love.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

reflections

14 days passed!
i survived!
boy, was it tough.. heartwrenching.. frustrating.. infuriating.. tiring.. fun.. heartbreaking.. scary.. thrilling.. heartwarming.. exciting.. satisfying.. awesome..

well, i think i have a lot to catch up on God. my QT has been non-existent. coming back to You Lord... give me some time n spur me on.. motivate me.

God! i realized how irritating, selfish n hypocritical n brother is.. n my sister is growing to become like him! i hate them to bits... almost. i know You commanded me to love them. TOUGH! esp when my brother keeps taking my things n using my things n always talking in such an upright manner n making me feel small n in the wrong when i wasnt in the first palce. the two of them ganging up against me.. making me feel tt i'm unloved. aft all i've done n sacrificed for them. even my dad said mean things abt me when he didnt even understand the situation so much so i broke down n cried..
MY FRIENDS TREAT ME BETTER THAN MY FAMILY!

Lord, then i really wished i never came on this holiday with my family.. esp when my mom wasnt coming along. i vowed to go on hol only with my friends.. cos they'll never scold me or be mean to me. FATHER! but You proved urself faithful... at the grand canyon... when i was feeling like shit... we were almost there... it started pouring so so heavily the tour guide started preparing us for the worse, telling us that we might not get a glimpse of the grand canyon cos the rain n cloudsn mist blurred our vision n besides, the rain was too heavy to make it thru the long walk to the grand canyon without getting soaked to the skin.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

one long, blessed day

Oh Lord, my God
All I desire is You.
Oh Lord, my God
All I desire is You.

Most precious than silver
More costly than gold
No riches on the earth compares with You
What can this world offer
When all I desire is You.

Lord, it sure was an eventful day yest. went back to mg to meet jon tay who told me all i had to do on his behalf.. talked to natalie tan n thory n went to zanet's place before going to town. we tried on so many clothes n in the end she bought a pair of shorts n a bikini. (think i shouldnt have lent her the money to buy tt bikini since i knew she was wearing it to swim!) morals... hers seem to have changed... i think this is what they refer to as a personality change due to some traumatic experience. i just gotta continue to pray for her n Lord, please take care of her n grant me patience with her.

had the runs so visited the toilet 5 times today... still decided to go down to SRC to try out rugby. wow.. am surprised tt i can throw an OVAL shaped ball! hee... i think i enjoyed myself a lot. however, i am not confident of playing contact rugby cos i felt a pain in my shoulder during the tackle.. scary.
nic actually pulled me in for contact but i feel more comfortable w touch. Lord, please work something out here for me =) i know you will! met angela, touch captain... who is real goodfrens w peiluan. SMALL world man.

yest, peiluan was talking abt handball, n i just might go down n try! seems so appealing since it wont cause too many injuries unlike contact. oh wells, see how. thurs when i come back from the states? or wed when sch reopens..

Father, i just wanted to thank you... for the great 2 weeks... n how camp kick started my engine. i'm so fired to do so many things now! i jsut hope tt my relationship w ms ho will not go bad... have a premonition tt something might happen. teach me Lord.
gonna shop for thory's wedding gift later. help us w this.. n let the 3 of us have a good time of fellowship. lynette, saby n me. peiluan cant make it.

i love you Lord. teach me to love you even more.. n i want to love You with my whole heart.. so nothing can cause my love for You to waver. no man. no thing. no hobby. no distraction.

AMEN!